I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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