You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
