well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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