Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
