I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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