dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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