Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
