Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
