Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
