Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
