help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
