I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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