drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
