I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
