Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
