True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
