now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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