He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
