apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
