i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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