in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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