it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I currently don't understand fingers.
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