I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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