Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
