you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
