My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
