Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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