Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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