before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
