similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
