My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
