I just saw a hot homeless man
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
