everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
