2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
