Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
