oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
