Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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