You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
