loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
