Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
