how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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