That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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