Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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