now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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