LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
