Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
