I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
