The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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