Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
And then he peed in my hair
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