its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
