Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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