if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i think i have herpe
just one?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
