next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
