Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
